Kiwi Monkey Tricks World's Letters Editors

An anagram reveals that MONKEYS WRITE the NEW YORK TIMES. A mischievous monkey from New Zealand named Andrew Prieditis has fooled the New York Times' owned International Herald-Tribune's letters editor into publishing a letter showing a fake address.


What's more, using other false addresses, he has similarly tricked leading newspapers in Great Britain, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand, Israel, and the Philippines.

Facing falling revenue from sales and advertising in the global economic depression, newspapers, some on the brink of bankruptcy, have slashed staff numbers. Overworked letters editors often have little time to check the bona fIDes of their correspondents, so Prieditis gets his opinions published by using phony addresses.

His greatest success was a story headed "My plan to be president" which made top place in the August 1 Opinion blog of the Dallas Morning News in Texas:

If I were a Republican interested in becoming president, I'd hitch my star to Sarah Palin's wagon. She will run for president in 2012.

I'd stay so close that after her nomination for president by the Republican Party, she'd have to choose me as her running mate. With her charisma and conservative views, our ticket would be elected.

Then, after two years of serving as president, when she tired of a probing media, outside agitators and an uncooperative Congress -- and became convinced that she could help the nation better being outside of government -- she'd resign. Then I'd be president.

--Andrew Prieditis, Dallas.

Right alongside it was an editorial introduction: "This Blog was the first in the nation created by an editorial board to give readers a behind-the-scenes view of the discussion that goes into crafting the newspaper's daily editorials."

Prieditis's epistle, also published by The Seattle Times and other newspapers, set off chains of readers' comments, for and against Sarah Palin.

In another Texan city, journalist Kevin Whited wrote:

Although the Houston Chronicle has 'an informal 90-day waiting period between letters being published,' Mr. Prieditis of Houston managed to get two letters (one on Sarah Palin on 3 August and one on Joe Biden on 7 August) published within days of each other.
'Punking' the Hearst daily -- especially now that former letters editor Judy Minshew is no longer around... is a little like adults taking candy from children.

Dubbing Prieditis "a citizen of the world," Whited said "Mr. Prieditis isn't a one-trick pony, nor is he just a man of this nation. He has managed to get letters on various topics published all over the world."

Googling his name, you can find letters published by the New York Times from Andrew Prieditis of Hamilton, New Zealand , the London Independent, from Andrew Prieditis of Elland, West Yorkshire, and the Jerusalem Post (Israel) from Andrew Prieditis of Washington. The Birmingham Post published a comment from Andrew Prieditis, from Lionel Street, Birmingham. The headline was "Olympic Games Must Go Back to the Future in Search for Renewed Credibility." That's what Andrew needs!

Down Under, Rupert Murdoch's national newspaper, The Australian, ran this letter from Andrew Prieditis of Torquay, Queensland on August 6:

WHAT does Somalia have in common with Australia? Until recently, almost nothing. The two nations, if Somalia can still be called a nation, had basically zero historical, economic and cultural links until the Department of Immigration began accepting some Somali refugees to Australia.

Now we are told by the Australian Federal Police there is a direct link between the violent mayhem in Somalia and an alleged plot to attack and kill soldiers at the Holsworthy army base in Sydney.

Even if these arrests do not survive the scrutiny of the legal process, they are a reminder that our security services have a constant and difficult task of sifting through the mountain of daily communication and identifying danger. Tuesday’s raids were a reminder of what they are doing and why.

In his home country, the prolific letterwriter fooled Auckland's New Zealand Herald, which published a letter from Andrew Prieditis of Kaitaia, urging Kiwis to eat less sugar and take more exercise, . Then down in Invercargill, the Southland Times ran an email from Andrew Prieditis of Hamilton urging them to "shake off the ghosts of the Rugby World Cup 2007."

He even proffered advice to New Zealand's Prime Minister, John Key before Key was elected to that position. It's still there on the PM's video journal:
John: I've recently returned from living 6 years in the United States. It is there that my eyes were opened up to the principles of limited Government in action and lower taxes. I do hope that in the next election, the National party pushes taxes as a big issue as I think, with enough persuasion of the NZ public, it could be the single factor which pushes the party over the winning line.

Where does the mysterious scribbler really live? In the US or New Zealand? Perhaps the answer is on the website of his old school, Kamo High, near Whangarei, two hours' drive north of Auckland. He wrote:

I was a student at Kamo High School in 1995 and 1996, the latter being my 7th form year (I'm amazed at how fast time has gone since then!). I then went on to study applied mathematics at the University of Waikato, graduating with a BSc in 2000.

After that I headed for the United States, and I'm now living in the state of Maryland (near Washington D.C.), working for a real estate transaction company as a Technology Coordinator. I am now also married to a lovely American woman!

Another verbose writer, Oscar Brittle, invaded Sydney's four daily newspapers' letter pages with a hilarious series of posts that infuriated thousands of readers. You can read about him in OhmyNewsInternational: Australia's Funniest Ghost Writer.

END

World's oldest dog missing, feared dead

The world's oldest dog, a 26-year-old white poodle called Taffy Gayle, is missing from her owners' home. Neighbors have joined in a search, but the little pooch is thought to have gone to Rainbow Bridge http://rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm

"To our knowledge, Taffy Gayle is no longer alive. She wandered off their front porch and they haven't been able to find her," Jennifer Williams, senior reporter of The Daily Mountain Eagle, in Jasper, Alabama, told us today.

When Jennifer interviewed the dog's owners a few months ago, she wrote:
"Brenda and Barney Harvill of Curry don’t mind that their poodle, Taffy Gayle, is blind, deaf and missing most of her teeth.

"Taffy Gayle has been the couple’s baby since they could never have children of their own. 'We’ve been so partial to her. Never having any children, I just think it’s a blessing that God’s let us keep her this long,' Brenda Harvill said.

"Taffy Gayle was born Sept. 22, 1982... The puppy was given Brenda Harvill’s middle name, Gayle, when she was registered with the American Kennel Club.

"Harvill likes to buy infant clothing at the thrift store and play dress-up with her. The little dog’s wardrobe includes T-shirts, sweaters and a pink party dress.

"Taffy Gayle doesn’t have to live on a strict diet of dry dog food. She is fed Vienna sausages as a treat. She also eats any potted meat, stewed chicken and ground hamburger.

"On her birthday, Taffy Gayle gets her own little cupcake with a candle in it. She also wears her party dress that day to celebrate."

If Taffy Gayle is no longer alive, the World's Oldest Dog seems to be a terrier mix named Max, living in New Iberia,Louisiana, who celebrated his 26th birthday on August 9.

His local TV station 10-KLFY said "Max has been part of Janelle DeRouen's family [since] just a few weeks after his birth on August 9th, 1983. Janelle says Max is in remarkab;y good shape. He suffers from cataracts. so he wears doggie goggles when he's out in the sun, and a touch of arthritis has slowed him down, but not by much."

You can see a video of Max by clicking on http://xmangerm.vox.com/library/video/6a00d4141bbfae685e0110160aba58860b.html

Max will have to live nearly four more years to be hailed as the oldest dog of all time. The 100th birthday of Bluey, a famous Australian cattle dog born on June 7, 1910, will be celebrated next year by people living in Rochester, a country town 130 miles (209 km) north of Melbourne.

Bluey worked among sheep and cattle for 20 years, and survived until Nov. 14, 1939, when he was put down. He had lived for 29 years, five months and seven days, on a diet of kangaroos and emus. He was the world's oldest dog, a record that has never been beaten.
END

Birthday Benison from Baron Tennyson

"I shall raise a quiet glass of wine to the memory of the poet on August 6," says David Tennyson, sixth Baron Tennyson and great-great-grandson of Queen Victoria's favorite poet, Alfred Lord Tennyson, whose 200th birthday will be celebrated around the globe on Thursday.

David, who rarely uses his title, lives in Christchurch, New Zealand. Three months ago, he visited Alfred's stamping ground, Lincolnshire, England, arriving the day after his own 49th birthday.

The UK daily literary web magazine Open Writing posted a story about the six Barons Tennyson http://www.openwriting.com/archives/2009/08/ay_be_merry_all_1.php on August 1.

While scouring the internet for that article, Open Writing's Australian correspondent asked David about the Tennyson Society. Here is his reply:

I have taken an active interest in the Tennyson Society, based in Lincoln
in England, over the last two years. They have initiated several
events
http://british-poetry.suite101.com/article.cfm/bicentenary_of_alfred_tennysons_birth
to mark the 200th anniversary of the poet's birth.

Over the weekend of 5th-7th June 2009 at Lincoln I attended a "Tennyson in Poetry & Music"
concert at St. Nicholas' Church http://www.geograph.org.uk/photo/127152
in Newport Lincoln.

I attended a special display at the Lincoln
museum (called "the Collection") on Tennyson's inspiration of the visual arts, and finally attended a bicentennial dinner where my cousin Rosalind was guest speaker.

Prior to that I attended the Tennyson Society "social weekend" in the Lake District in May. While there I opened a new
"poetry walk" http://www.visitcumbria.com/julian/mirehouse-n6290.jpg featuring Tennyson at The Mirehouse.

This old English country house on the shores of Lake Bassenthwaite used to be the home of James Spedding, a great
friend and contemporary of the poet. The poet Tennyson
spent part of his honeymoon at Mirehouse. http://www.visitcumbria.com/kes/mirehse.htm

Asked what he thought of his great-great-grandfather's poetry, David replied: "It's the best, of course! (alhough I would say that). Mind you, the nice thing about poetry is that in the end you don't have to choose. You are allowed to appreciate different contributors to the world of the arts without having to pick one winner."

Then he was asked whether he or his younger brother, author Alan Tennyson (the Heir Presumptive) had written any poetry. He replied:

Basically the answer to your question is no.... I do remember
studying 'The Lady of Shalott" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lady_of_Shalott
at school in what was then form 3...

Speaking for myself, I have always shied away from writing poetry and have taken a different path from the field of literature.

I was trained in mechanical engineering at Canterbury University. I now work for myself in a role I would best describe
as a 'Project Engineer.' This gives me the flexibility to take large
blocks of time off, like my five week trip to Europe earlier in
2009.

Living in Canterbury, I do try to get in touch with nature
ovr the weekends, whether that be strolling on the beaches, climbing over the hillsides or exploring the farming flatlands.

To some extent this gives me some appreciation of what the poet's early life must have been like. (Alfred grew up in a principal farming district of England) and I share
the poet's appreciation of the natural world.

Well over a century ago, Alfred Lord Tennyson wrote this poem

To Alfred Tennyson, My Grandson

Golden-hair'd Ally whose name is one with mine,
Crazy with laughter and babble and earth's new wine,
Now that the flower of a year and a half is thine,
O little blossom , O mine, and mine of mine,
Glorious poet who never hast written a line,
Laugh, for the name at the head of my verse is thine.
May'st thou never be wrong'd by the name that is mine!

That poem might well have been addressed to his great-great-grandson.

END

Alfred (Lord) Tennyson, 200, loved mad little tits

And the N.Z. heir to his barony is a birdlover too

The famous British poet Alfred (Lord) Tennyson, whose 200th birthday will be celebrated worldwide on August 6, was a great birdlover. One of his lesser-known poems, called "Ay", names half a dozen bird species ranging from the cuckoo to "the mad little tits."

Ay! Be merry, all birds, to-day,

Be merry on earth as you never were merry before,

Be merry in heaven, O larks, and far away,

And merry for ever and ever, and one day more.

Why? For it's easy to find a rhyme.

Look, look, how he flits.

The fire-crown'd king of the wrens, from out of the pine !

Look how they tumble the blossom, the mad little tits !

'Cuck-oo! Cuck-oo!' was ever a May so fine?

Why? For it's easy to find a rhyme.

O merry the linnet and dove,

And swallow and sparrow and throstle, and have your desire!

O merry my heart, you have gotten the wings of love,

And flit like the king of the wrens with a crown of fire.

Why? For it's ay ay, ay ay.

This poem, and many others, can be found in a 1903 book, The Birds of Tennyson, http://tinyurl.com/kpfvwq
by Watkin Watkins, B.A. Cantab, of the Inner Temple, Barrister-at-law, Member of the British Ornithologists' Union.

He says "Tennyson exhibits a knowledge of birds and their ways which is considerably greater than that displayed by the majority of British Poets, and which entitles him to take a place in this respect by the side of Chaucer, Wordsworth and Shakespeare."

Queen Victoria liked Alfred's poems so much that she made him a hereditary baron, with a seat in The House of Lords.

He seems to have transmitted some of his genes to Alan Tennyson, the Heir Presumptive to his title, who is a distant relative (in lineage and geographically) living in New Zealand's capital city, Wellington. Alan is co-author of a book, Extinct Birds of New Zealand.

[Heir Presumptive is an archaic term for the person thought to be next in line for the barony.]

Alan was born in Wellington in 1965, and first worked for the Forest and Bird Protection Society. Then he moved to the Department of Conservation. Apart from watching birds (feathered variety) he's Curator of Fossil Vertebrates at New Zealand's national musem, Te Papa. http://www.tepapa.govt.nz/pages/default.aspx

The book, "The Extinct Birds of New Zealand" by Alan Tennyson and Paul Martinson [Te Papa Press 2006] received a rave review from Rebecca Priestley in the New Zealand Listener http://tinyurl.com/m7hkg3
She wrote:

The story of the huia, a poster bird for extinct New Zealand species, has been well told. Last seen in 1907, the beautiful huia, with its black body and distinctive orange wattle, had been collected to death by 19th century dealers and ornithologists for display in museums and fashionable drawing-rooms -- and
for its white-tipped tail feathers, which made quite the jaunty hat decoration.

Icon maybe, but the huia has plenty of company -- 58 of our bird species, or 26 per cent -- have become extinct since humans arrived here in the 13th century. To celebrate those species, and to remind us of the continuing threat , Te Papa fossil vertebrates curator Alan Tennyson and wildlife artist Paul Martinson have together made a magnificent book, Extinct Birds of New Zealand....

The bulk of the book is made up of accounts of the 58 extinct species, including nine species of moa. Even th giant moa, the tallest bird ever known to have lived -- oustretched, its neck could reach up to three metres high -- was at the mercy of
Haast's eagle... The moa fell victim to human hunting around AD1400, and Haast's eagle soon followed, suffering from loss of prey.

As Heir Presumptive, Alan Tennyson is thought to be next in line for the Tennyson barony, now held by his older brother, David, the sixth Lord Tennyson.

David Tennyson , a modest man who lives quietly in Christchurch and apparently never uses his ancient title, celebrated his 49th birthday on June 4, 2009.

Asked whether either he or his brother writes poetry, Alan replied: "David is more involved in the Tennyson Society than I."

The sixth baron seems to be more interested in recreational cycling, as he is president of the Canterbury Recreational Cycling Club. Christchurch has thousands of cyclists, because the city stands on very flat ground. You can ride 100 miles (160km) over the Canterbury Plains http://www.nzescape.com/photo-3.html without having to climb a single hill.


The six Barons Tennyson are a mixed bunch, several achieving fame in fields far removed from poetry. Alf's son, the second baron, Hallam Tennyson, became Australia's second Governor-General, and Hallam's son Lionel Hallam Tennyson captained England's cricket team in 1921, and became the third Baron seven years later.

Lionel's son, Harold Christopher Tennyson, (1919–1991) became the fourth Baron, and his youger son became the fifth Baron. When he died three years ago, "the line of the eldest son of the first Baron failed," and the title passed unexpectedly to David Tennyson, in faraway New Zealand.

Here's a list of the six Barons, and links to websites where you can read about them:

Alfred Tennyson, 1st Baron Tennyson (1809-1892) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alfred_Tennyson,_1st_Baron_Tennyson
Hallam Tennyson, 2nd Baron Tennyson (1852-1928) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hallam_Tennyson,_2nd_Baron_Tennyson
Lionel Hallam Tennyson, 3rd Baron Tennyson (1889-1951) http://www.cricinfo.com/england/content/player/21499.html
Harold Christopher Tennyson, 4th Baron Tennyson (1919-1991)
http://tinyurl.com/mwh4bv
Mark Aubrey Tennyson, 5th Baron Tennyson (1920-2006) http://www.thepeerage.com/p8285.htm (scroll down)
David Harold Alexander Tennyson, 6th Baron Tennyson (b. 1960)http://wapedia.mobi/en/David_Tennyson,_6th_Baron_Tennyson

Alfred (Lord) Tennyson, as he is usually referred to these days, was reluctant to accept a baronetcy (far less important than a barony) when Britain's Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli offered one to him. Another PM, William Gladstone, finally talked him into accepting a peerage.

Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alfred_Tennyson,_1st_Baron_Tennyson says the poet was "a passionate man with some peculiarites of nature, he was never particularly comfortable as a peer, and it is widely held that he took the peerage in order to secure a future for his son Hallam."

Still quoting Wikipedia:

Tennyson wrote a number of phrases that have become commonplaces of the English language, including:
Nature, red in tooth and claw
'Tis better to have
loved and lost / Than never to have loved at all
Theirs not to reason
why, / Theirs but to do and die
My strength is as the strength of ten /
Because my heart is pure
Knowledge comes, but Wisdom lingers
The old
order changeth, yielding place to new

He is the second most frequently quoted writer in The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations, after Shakespeare

Sir Edmund William Gosse (1849-1928), a famous British critic who remembered having met an aged Lord Tennyson when he (Gosse) was a small boy, wrote these words about the poet:

We still look to the earlier masters for supreme excellence in particular directions: to Wordsworth for sublime philosophy, to Coleridge for ethereal magic, to Byron for passion, to Shelley for lyric intensity, to Keats for richness.

Tennyson does not excel each of these in his own special
field, but he is often nearer to the particular man in his particular mastery than anyone else can be said to be, and he has in addition his own special field of supremacy.

What this is cannot be easily defined; it consists, perhaps, in the beauty of the atmosphere which Tennyson contrives to cast around his work, molding it in the blue mystery of twilight, in the opaline haze of sunset: this atmosphere, suffused over his poetry with inestimable skill and with a tact rarely at fault, produces an unfailing illusion or mirage of loveliness.

Further interesting details about the poet, written by Professor Glenn Everett, of America's Northeast Victorian Studies Association, can be found on the Victorian Web:
http://www.victorianweb.org/authors/tennyson/tennybio.html

END

Is he really a centenarian, or *only* 94?

Will Britain's "Oldest Marathoner", Pierre Jean "Buster" Martin, who claims he will be 103 years old on September 1, compete against Australian centenarian Ruth Frith in the 2009 World Masters Games, to be held in Sydney from October 10 to 18?

Ruth, a Brisbane great-grandmother who'll celebrate her 100th birthday on August 23, hopes someone will compete against her in the Games' first-ever "100 and over" class.

"You know how it is," she says. "You want to try to compete with those younger folk in their 90s."

She has registered for the hammer, discus, javelin and shot events.

The Sydney 2009 Masters Games will be the world's largest multi-sport event, with up to three times as many competitors as the Olympic Games. About 25,000 competitors from more than 100 countries will take part in 28 sports at more than 70 venues.

Anyone can take part in the WMG if they meet the minimum age requirement for their particular sport. The Games are where ordinary people, from former champions to recreational sport rookies, can have extraordinary experiences, with grades catering for competitive, recreational amd social players.

The Games encourage people from all walks of life to become involved in physical activity by participating in sport.

But there's a fly in the ointment. Buster Martin cannot - or will not - produce evidence of his age, so he may not be eligible for Sydney 2009. Many Brits think he's a younger publicity-seeking hoaxer. Sceptics say many of his stories are just too good to be true.

Employed three days a week as a van cleaner for Pimlico Plumbers, a publicity-conscious company in southeast London, he claims to be Britain's oldest worker, who refused to take a day off on September 1, 2006, which he claimed was his 100th birthday.

As a Marathoner, Buster's a walker rather than a runner, but even that is a great achievement for an old man, whatever his age may be.

The London media reported that he took a minute less than 10 hours to complete the 26-mile course of the 2008 London Marathon. The official timekeepers had gone home hours before he stumbled over the finish line.

The day after the Marathon, The Times published a story headlined Marathon Man, 'Buster' Martin, may be up to some old tricks. Patrick Foster wrote:

With "Buster" Martin's straggly beard, dry wit, and advanced years, his attempt to run the London Marathon was always going to present the PR people with an irresistable feel-good tale. At 101 years old, he would be the oldest man to complete the 26-mile course. But as he hobbled his way through the London drizzle yesterday, his story was beginning to unravel.

On Saturday The Times disclosed that Guinness World Records had refused to verify his claim to be the oldest marathon runner.

Now it has emerged why the record guardians will not be featuring Mr Martin in its celebrated publication. Internal correspondence between senior officials at the organisation, obtained by The Times, shows that Guinness has evidence that Mr Martin is a mere spring chicken of just 94.

Guinness received information that Mr Martin, whose real name is Jean Pierre Martin, told NHS [National Health Service] staff that he was born on September 12, 1913, not 1906, as he now claims. A senior adviser to the world record company warned Guinness officials that Mr Martin "appears to be a fake, and more so, one being exploited by his company, which is using him to promote their services."

Patrick Barkham, a features writer of The Guardian newspaper, also investigated Buster's colorful life in an entertaining story. Here's an extract:

His life, as he tells it, is extraordinary. He was born Pierre Jean Martin "up in the hills" of the Basque Country. "I don't speak French because I don't like them," he says.

He claims his mother fell pregnant to a member of the affluent family she served, and mother and baby were smuggled to Britain to avoid the disgrace. His mother was put in a convent and baby Buster placed in an orphanage near Bodmin, Cornwall.

After coming to London, Buster worked, joined the army and got married in France (hence no marriage certificate). "How did I get to France to get married? No passport. I learned how to get there and avoid the authorities, and I could still go and do it now if I wanted to," he boasts.

Can he explain how? "No, because otherwise they would be watching the route for Christ's sake! Jesus, Mary and Joseph, what's the matter with you?!" Buster lurches forwards with a stare. "You won't get secrets out of me," he growls.

Buster says he married a girl named Iriana in 1920. She was 13, and he was 14. They had 17 children -"twins, triplets, singletons, all sorts" - born between 1921 and 1934, including triplets Georgina, Georgia and Giselle.

He has 70 grand and great-grandchildren, according to an apparently well-informed PR-minded blogger called
The article says "A confessed 'rogue' who drinks ale with a slice of orange and smokes like a chimney, Buster married Iriana, a girl from Tonbridge, Kent, aged 14 and fought in the Second World War in the Grenadier Guards. He switched to the Royal Navy and had a 35-year Service career but remained in London."

Buster accepts countless invitations to take part in fun runs and to appear at other functions, devoting the proceeds to his favourite charity, The Rhys Daniels Trust, http://original.justgiving.com/bustermartin1/ which provides "Home from Home" style accommodation close to specialist children's hospitals throughout the UK.


Other intriguing details about Buster Martin can be found in Wikipedia. http://bustermartin.blogspot.com/2008/01/buster-taking-time-out-while-training.html

And there's a YouTube interview as well.

But what of Australia's centenarian Ruth Frith? She's the mother of Helen Searle (68) who won a bronze medal in the high jump at the 1958 Cardiff Commonwealth Games and silver medals in the high jump and long jump at the 1962 Perth Commonwealth Games.

"She [Ruth] is literally in a league of her own in the women's 95-99 age category in which her best throws for the discus (9.85m), hammer (11.37m) and shot put (4.72m) are all world bests," Brisbane sports reporter Jim Tucker wrote last year in The Sunday Mail:

"I hold five world records but, let's be honest, I'm the only competitor in my age group," she says with a smile. "I'm the oldest competing in the world."You have to aim high ... I look at what those in their 80s are throwing and try to beat them.

"Honestly, I don't know what is so magical about being 99. It's just two numbers on a piece of paper and I'm still the same freckle-faced redhead I was at 98."
She is talking about the interest that has grown among a curious media over the past 12 months...Calls have come from Germany and photos have been taken by a French news agency.

You can read a transcript of the ABC-TV's Brisbane reporter John Taylor interviewing Ruth on The 7.30 Report.

A final thought: Even if Buster Martin proves to be telling the truth, he still won't be the world's oldest all-time Marathoner. That title belongs to Philip "Flying Phil" Rabinowitz. Phil, who was born in Lithuania and lived mostly in South Africa, often visited relatives in Sydney. When he turned 100, he became the fastest centenarian ever to run in a 100 metres sprint. He covered the distance in 30.86 seconds.

Then, every year until he reached 104, he took part in the first few kilometres of the Philip Rabinowitz Memorial Marathon in Capetown. He died on February 28, 2008.

A for Horses, B for Mutton

A clever Ode to a Scarecrow was included in Anu Garg's popular AWADmail newsletter, sent last week to 750,000 wordlovers in 200 countries . You could call it a surreal alphabet. Read it aloud: Hey be seedy, eh, effigy, hate shy jakey yellow man; oh, peek, you're rusty, you've double, you ex-wise head.

A slightly different version can be found on the internet: Hay be seedy, effigy, age-eyed jakey lemon-yellow man. O peek you! Arrestee! You've double! You ex-wise he!

The Ode was first published many years ago in The Scientific American . It was in a column called "Mathematical Games," written by Martin Gardner, a gifted American word spinner now 94 years old.

He calls himelf a mathemagician, and is famous for his popular mathematics, stage magic, puzzles and debunking of myths.

Before reading on, please look at this hilarious sketch by British comedians The Two Ronnies, Swedish Made Simple: FUNEX? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkWMcRlE1mQ

Back in the 1930s, another famous British comical duo, Clapham and Dwyer, recorded another surrealist alphabet. This is how it went:
A for 'orses (hay for horses)
B for Mutton (beef or mutton?)
C for th' highlanders (Seaforth Highlanders)
D for 'ential (deferential)
E for Adam (Eve or Adam)
F for 'vescence (effervescence)
G for Police (Chief of Police)
H for Respect (age for respect)
I for Novello (Ivor Novello, film star)
J for Oranges (Jaffa oranges)
K for 'ancis (Kay Francis, film star)
L for Leather (hell for leather)
M for Sis (emphasis)
N for Dig (infra dig)
O for The garden wall (Over the Garden Wall, a popular song)
P for a Penny (pee for a penny)
Q for a Song, or Q for Billiards (cue for a song, or cue for billiards)
R for Mo (half a mo)
S for You (it's for you)
Tea for Two (Tea for Two, a popular song)
U for Films (UFA films)
V for la France (Vive la France)
W for a Bob (double you for a bob - a bob was a shilling)
X for Breakfast (eggs for breakfast)
Y for Gawd's sake (why, for God's sake)
Z for Breezes (zephyr breezes
)
In the 80 years since that sketch was performed in music halls and recorded on vinyl discs, various wits have come up with variations. Here are some of them:
C for Miles, or C for Yourself (see for miles, or see for yourself)
D for Dumb (deaf or dumb) D for Kate (defecate)
E for Brick (heave a brick) or E for 'ning Standard (Evening Standard newspaper)
H for Consent (age of consent)
I for the Engine (Ivor the Engine)
K for 'teria (cafeteria)
O for the Wings of a Dove (O for the wings of a dove -- hymn)
P for Relief (pee for relief)
Q for a P (queue for a pee) or Q for a Theatre (queue for a theatre)
P for Relief (pee for relief), P for a Whistle (pea for a whistle) or P for 'ming seals (performing seals).
U for 'mism ( euphemism) or U for Me (you for me).
W for Quits (double you for quits) )
Y for Girlfriend (wife or girlfriend? or Y for a Husband (wife for a husband)

Going back to the remarkable Martin Gardner, he has written more than 70 books in the last 70 years, which must be a world record. At the age of 94, living in Norman, Oklahoma, he is still writing and being interviewed.

In March 2006, he recalled his early days as a columnist for The Scientific American, in an interesting interview http://www.maa.org/columns/colm/cardcolm200610.html with Professor Colm Mulcahy, who writes a monthly column for The Mathematical Association of America.

At 94, Gardner is one of the world's oldest (and liveliest) bloggers, with a page on MySpace http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=267546396

DISCLOSURE OF INTEREST. I'm copy editor of Anu Garg's A Word A Day (AWAD) newsletter http://wordsmith.org/awad/ Serendipitously, Anu and I each live in one of the two picturesque places rightly called The Emerald City, http://www.bdb.co.za/shackle/articles/emerald_cities.htm -- on opposite sides of the Pacific.
END

World's Oldest Dog Fight

This story has been published by the South Korean citizen reporters' journal OhmyNewsInternational:
http://english.ohmynews.com/articleview/article_view.asp?no=385348&rel_no=1



Chanel, Sammy, Smokey, Bluey, Max or Taffy Gayle?

Dog owners, TV stations and newspapers in the United States and Britain
are embroiled in a lively dogfight to discover The World's Oldest Dog.

Naturally, they favor their local pooches. But they can't all be right.

The competition began last December, when Lee Lutz, in the Times Beacon
Record,
http://www.northshoreoflongisland.com/Articles-i-2008-12-18-77396.112114_Is_this_dachshund_the_oldest_dog_in_the_world.html
on the North Shore of Long Island, New York, asked, "Is this dachshund the
oldest dog in the world?" He drew attention to a 19-year-old wire-haired
dachshund named Chanel.

A few months later, the global spotlight focused on Chanel when she
celebrated her 20th birthday. The Guinness Book of Records listed her as
The World's Oldest Dog. Pictures of a cute little mutt wearing goggles and
a colorful sweater, looking like a First World War aviator in an aerial
dogfight, were seen on TV and in newspapers by millions of doglovers (and
doghaters too).

In April 2009 OhmyNewsInternational rained on the pooch's picnic with a
story, Chanel is NOT the World's Oldest Dog,
http://english.ohmynews.com/articleview/article_view.asp?no=384908&rel_no=1
We said many dogs had lived much longer than Chanel, but were not eligible
to be listed by Guinness, which insists on their ages being documented.

That's not always possible.

We said that the 100th birthday of Bluey, a famous Australian cattle dog
born on June 7, 1910, is to be celebrated next year by people living in
Rochester, a country town 130 miles (209 kilometers) north of Melbourne,
Victoria.
Bluey worked among sheep and cattle for 20 years, and survived until Nov.
14, 1939, when he was put down. He had lived for 29 years, five months and
seven days, on a diet of kangaroos and emus. He was the world's oldest dog,
a record that has never been beaten.


On May 22, 2009 TV station 10-KLFY
http://www.klfy.com/Global/story.asp?S=10406754 in New Iberia, Louisiana,
reported that a "terier mix" named Max, owned by Janelle Derouen of New
Iberia, was laying claim to the Guinness Book of World Records title of
"Oldest Dog in the World." The report said:

"Max is a terrier mix who's been part of Janelle Derouen's family just a
few weeks after his birth on August 9th, 1983. That makes Max almost 26
years old.
"Janelle says Max is in remarkably good shape. He suffers from cataracts, so
he wears doggie goggles when he's out in the sun, and a touch of arthritis
has slowed him down, but not by much.
"When Janelle spotted our story on the current record holder, Chanel, she
knew she had to let the world know about her incredible canine. We'll keep
you posted on Max's quest for the title of world's oldest dog, but in the
meantime, Max isn't letting his sudden celebrity go to his head."

You can see a video of Max and his owner here http://xmangerm.vox.com/library/video/6a00d4141bbfae685e0110160aba58860b.html

Serendipitously, George Rodrigue,
http://www.georgerodrigue.com/biography.htm a Cajun artist, grew up in
New Iberia. His Blue Dog series of paintings, known worlwide, are thought
to have been inspired by his dog named Tiffany.

Apparently oblivious of Max's claim to the title, Florida's St. Petersburg
Times promoted another contestant on May 30. A story by Stefan
Jaeger http://www.tampabay.com/news/humaninterest/article1005572.ece was
headed "St. Petersburg Man Says He Owns the World's Oldest Dog". It said:

"Joe Slatton of St. Petersburg wasn't impressed when he learned NBC's Today
show had featured what it deemed the world's oldest living dog at 21.
Slatton says that at the time the show aired May 6, he was most likely out
walking his 23-year-old Shih Tzu, Smokey. "My wife told me about the show,"
Slatton said. "Of course she knew, too, that Smokey was way older than that
dog on TV."
"Smokey, golden brown with all his hair, is not only older, but more active.

He loves his walks and has his own wardrobe.

"Slatton, 78, and Mary, 76, his wife of 55 years, took in Smokey nine years
ago when the dog's former owner moved to a place where she couldn't have a
pet.

"Records at the VCA St. Petersburg Animal Hospital show Smokey was born Jan.
18, 1986. That was two days before the first federal Martin Luther King Jr.
Day was celebrated and 10 days before the space shuttle Challenger
disaster."

The rival claims of Max and Smokey failed to cross the Atlantic, because on
June 1 Andy Crick wrote in the London tabloid The Sun :
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2458899/Sun-teaches-old-dog-new-tricks.html

"Yorkshire terrier Sammy is 23-years-old which makes him two years older
than the current canine world record holder...

"The pensioner pooch has had half his teeth out and can barely see or hear.

But owner Doug Percival, 73, has only had to take him to the vets ONCE since
he got him as a two-year-old pup.

"He puts his longevity down to them looking after each other and
twice-weekly treats from the fish and chip shop."

We were about to award the WOD (World's Oldest Dog) crown to Max, when we
stumbled on a story in The Daily Mountain Eagle, in Jasper, Alabama. Staff
reporter Jennifer Williams has discovered a pooch that's a year older than
Max!

"Brenda and Barney Harvill of Curry don't mind that their poodle, Taffy
Gayle, is blind, deaf and missing most of her teeth.," Williams wrote.
"Taffy Gayle has been the couple's baby since they could never have children
of their own. 'We've been so partial to her. Never having any children, I
just think it's a blessing that God's let us keep her this long,' Brenda
Harvill said.

"Taffy Gayle was born Sept. 22, 1982... The puppy was given Brenda Harvill's
middle name, Gayle, when she was registered with the American Kennel Club.

"Harvill likes to buy infant clothing at the thrift store and play dress-up
with her. The little dog's wardrobe includes T-shirts, sweaters and a pink
party dress. Taffy Gayle doesn't have to live on a strict diet of dry dog
food. She is fed Vienna sausages as a treat. She also eats any potted meat,
stewed chicken and ground hamburger.

"On her birthday, Taffy Gayle gets her own little cupcake with a candle in
it. She also wears her party dress that day to celebrate."

You can read much more about this tiny dog by visiting The Daily Mountain
Eagle http://74.125.153.132/search?q=cache:ymNcdg9J5xYJ:www.mountaineagle.com/index.cfm%3Fevent%3Dnews.view%26id%3D746DCF5C-19B9-E2E2-678600C6B88F17E4+%22taffy+gayle%22&cd=7&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=au

Summing up, it seems that Louisiana's Max, at 25 going on 26, is not quite
the max, Alabama's Taffy Gayle, 26 last September, is PROBABLY the world's
oldest living dog. She will even beat Australia's Bluey as the oldest dog of
all time if she clings to life for three more years .

Chicago Sun-Times columnist Mark Brown is trying to find his city's oldest
dog. http://www.suntimes.com/news/brown/1606664,CST-NWS-brown04.article

One of his readers who calls herself rozzzzzzy wrote this comment:
"No category for the smelliest dog? If you ever add it, let me know! We
adopted a black, long-haired pug named Snowball, changed his name to Jack
Black, after which we discovered that no matter what he was fed, even treats
with chlorophyll, he can clear a room in seconds. Feed him chicken, and he
can clear a stadium. Even my teenagers, who find passing gas extremely
humorous, run from rooms with their t-shirts over their noses, and NO ONE
wants to let the little fellow sleep with them, despite taking dibbies on
our other two dogs."

Well, that may account for Chicago being called The Windy City.